o________o

I'm feeling snarky today.

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 03:44:07 GMT

So I went to the Pit of Voles and poked around the Naruto section to see what was available.

Meet The Uchiha by Lafine reviews

Can someone asked the hand of Uchiha Sasuke's daughter? A story inspired by the movie "Meet the Parents(& Fockers). More complete summary inside.

This already frightens me. I decide not to bother reading it.

Ninja of the Night by TheSunshineGirls

Naruto is a kunoichi from Sand, but decides to become the Naked Ninja and gets kicked out of the village for being a pervert. What happens when she arrives in Konoha? No yaoiyuri or sex changes REPOSTED

What? If Naruto is a girl, there's one heck of a sex change there...

Great Balls Of FireI Wanna Get Out Of Hell by hibiyuru reviews

Orochimaru ends the world and all the genins and sensei's are sent to hell since there is no space in heaven. some romance late on in fic maybe in
chapter 3

... what?

Last, but not least...

The Visit by kuMi-iZ-Miii reviews

what will happen if Sakura's grandma is staying for 2 weeks? chaos! sasusaku, other pairings in later chap (not decided). kinda OOC. RR plz! no flames plz! my fist fic! the ratings goes up on the sixth chap! 7TH CHAP UP! keep your voting for ur favourite

Yeah. I don't even think I need to comment on that, now do I.

Wrong Link of the Day.

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 20:22:58 GMT

tds_rps

I weep.

Mary Sue of the Week.

Tue, 21 Dec 2004 21:56:09 GMT

Notice: Being the Mary Sue of the Week is not a virtue.

Fandom: Naruto
Author: IcePrincess-o-O
Title: Light of Redemption

Scale goes from 1-10, 1 being abyssmal and 10 being excellent.

Grammar: 7 Paragraph separation, decent grammar skills and spelling isn't horrendous. Not bad.
Prose: 7. Choppy at times. Word choices seem a bit odd at others. But above average at the very least.
Characterization: 2. Itachi is suddenly touchy feely with someone? What? The Sound nin are relegated to minor roles that don't fit them very well. Very strange, indeed.
Mary Sue Level: 1. Ugh. She's immediately made into a personal interest of Itachi's. And is apparently his 'weakness'. There's this whole cliche spiel about her being an orphan Itachi discovered and Orochimaru tried to curse seal her. Personally trained by Itachi, etc. She ends up being a damsel in distress, fighting with Kabuto (who is really out of character). *rolls eyes*
Average: 4.

My thoughts? Author's wet dream.

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 18:08:39 GMT

HAHAHAHAHA!

1. You are all acting like children on a school bus. http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/569067.html Really, I'm flattered that I'm getting more attention than a $155 million dollar flop of a film.

No you aren't. Else you wouldn't have even bothered posting this or giving them the time of day.

2. I am the 73rd DIRECT grandchild of Alexander, 42nd of Charlemagne, 31st of William the Conqueror, ETC!!!

Sure, and I'm descended from Bavarian nobility. WHO THE FUCK CARES!

Don't like it, tough, do your own *beep* ing

*beep*ing? My, aren't WE frothing at the mouth, now.

genealogy research and prove you are too!

What if we don't want to?

Most people are, if you think it is no big deal, then why are you acting so jealous on that stupid page?

Jealous? Incredulous, perhaps, but I don't see much jealousy over there. Just a lot of people pointing and laughing.

3. If I am crazy, why the *beep* ing hell are you a. calling me,

Calling you? Who's calling you?

b. care about my grammar and punctuation

Because this is the internet. It's a text based world, primarily and if you can't use grammar and punctuation, you look stupid.

c. giving me the time of day on this board

Because they like to mock things. It's fun.

d. going to my site to where it can't handle the traffic

Well, perhaps you should actually get a really real website, then, instead of a shitty geocities site?

and e. creating your own slam website

Uh, it isn't all about you, babe. Seriously. That site mocks EVERYONE.

4. Since you seem to be so talented in making people feel like *beep*

Like *beep*? What does *beep* feel like, anyway?

And I mean, seriously, this *beep* ing takes the cake,

Where is *beep* taking the cake?

GO GET A PAPARAZZI job. You've already proven yourselves to be nosey little *beep* with absolutely nothing to do, twist words, presume/ASSume your own fantasies, and are completely OBSESSED in a VERY *beep* up way!

Again, this is not about YOU, it's about the wank and let's face it, you are a very self absorbed woman who needs a little bit of mocking. Desperately.

I didn't do anything except say I hated the script, walked out, and was pissed at how he portrayed my relative.

Your relative? Possessive, too. I don't care what your geneology claims are, the man is dead for quite awhile and you have no more claim to him than anyone else does. Did you know him in life? Did you go to his birthday parties? Did you see him at family gatherings? NO. So shut the fuck up.

AND YOU DAMN WELL WOULD be too!

Actually no, we wouldn't.

AM I saying I'm related to someone YOU THINK died off?

What are you trying to ask here?

YES, because your stupid and can't do your *beep* homework.

Actually, many of us have done quite well in that regard. We type better than you do, too.

Go to the links, prove me wrong.

That would take too much effort. Most of us don't really care, other than getting a brief titter out of it.

AND IN regards to my poetry, NO, you wish it was Poetry.com (the only forum you could get published in).

What? That poetry sucked ass, lady. You are no Robert Frost.

SERIOUSLY go *beep* each other and get it over with.

I think you're spooging all over the place enough that none of us need to.

The really pathetic and only pathetic thing about me is, I'm actually letting your words start to get to me. And you are all talking out your ass.

You know, you could always ignore us. Really.

Grow up boys and girls, or you are going to be really kicking yourselves in the ass soon. I'm not quiting my career from your remarks, so dream on. But, what you are saying on your little website is pretty *beep* uncalled for and cruel.

Get a thicker skin, hon. In your line of work, you should be used to this by now.

Let me find out who you are and pick on your private life. You would all do great in grammar with the Enquirer, go APPLY now!!!

Eh? Hey, you put yourself up in the spotlight and on the chopping block, you get what you deserve.

-Justine Baker, The Countess

Oh for fuck's sake. You're /only/ Justine Baker. Drop the Countess nonsense.

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 17:41:20 GMT

AHAHAHAHAHA!

For reference, this chick is INSANE.

Her website.

Unfortunately, so many people are going over there to view her insanity that it can't be viewed for awhile sometimes.

But someone got a screencap.

She's actually going out, finding the names and addresses of people she dislikes and encouraging people to call them. XD Even call their kids. Isn't that great?

I'll be ripping her replies in imdb soon.

I present thee...

Sun, 21 Nov 2004 20:08:21 GMT

The WTF link of the day.

An LoTR/Charmed mixed game. Where you can play the actors instead of the characters?

HAY THAR!

Sun, 21 Nov 2004 02:55:46 GMT

I haven't done much lately. But this was too much to pass up.

Stolen from one of them thar FMA communities out there.

Note that I havent posted much but I NEED to say this

Uh oh. When the punctuation and spelling have gone out the window, you just know it's gonna be priceless right from the title.

Im sorry that I havent left sooner.

I'm sure everyone else is sorry you haven't left sooner, too.

I am getting SO tired of the Yaoi and everything. This fandom has been RUINED by it. Not that I'm homophobic,

No, you're just delusional.

Im just TIRED of the "elricest" and the "moffy" comments. I get into a series, and I stay there cause I like to watch the series for the storylines.

Except when you try to become the storyline. You're Otakukin, remember.

Im sorry if I have OFFENDED any of you

Oh come on, you're not /really/ sorry. Else you might have thought before writing this out and sticking your foot so far down your throat you've got your lips wrapped around your thigh.

but Im just SO tired of hearing your Fanfics and yaoi stories that I really dont care about since 99% of you post ONLY that smut.

So where did you get that statistic? I take it you actually went back and figured it out so it comes to exactly 99%.

And sometimes when I click on the LJ cut links I find that its a picture of Ed screwing a metal suit of armor or something and its getting REALLY annoying.

Let me get this straight. Someone was thoughtful enough to put up an lj-cut tag so you wouldn't have to SEE the Elric-cest and you clicked on it anyway? What are you, a fucking -moron-?

So PLEASE forgive me If I dont exactly LOVE this shit.

Is anyone asking you to?

Its not that any of you have your minds OUT of the gutter or anything.

What? I'm not sure what you're trying to say here. Are you suggesting everyone in the community has their minds in the gutter? Or just the fangirls you so hate (who happen to be 99% of the community posters I guess) or what?

Why is it that anyone who is new gets their head bit off everytime they ask a question some one has to post a comment about "OMFG THIS QUESTION WAS ASKED MONTHS AGO..

Jesus H, turn the caps lock off. Is this really necessary to make a point?

HOWCOME YOU DIDNT SEE IT AND SHIT. CAUSE OMG EVERYONE HAS TO READ BACK ENTRIES AND SHIT. IM A RABID FANGIRL AND I ONLY USE CAPS FOR EVERY QUESTION I ANSWER TO SUPPOSED NEWBIE WHO THINKS THAT EVERYTHING I SAY IS VALID AND SHIT CAUSE IM THE RABID FANGIRL WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT NOTHING AND OMG OMGOMG"

Do you feel better now? Cause my internet ears are ringing.

It's getting SO stupid in here and I'm just SO sick and tired of this shit.

Ok... so... leave? Oh wait, that's what you're doing. You're just stomping your feet before you go.

Like I said..Its not like I'm homophobic or anything about the Yaoi..but isnt it time to say "Enough is enough"

Isn't that like saying 'I'm not homophobic, I have gay friends!'. Ok, maybe not quite the same but still. Methinks the lady doth protest too much here.

Thats why Im leaving. 99% of this community is just yaoi...and nothing but. And Im tired of reading retarded fangirlism stories with the author being the ever peeking horny voyer. Fuck this..I'll just leave. Its not like anyone really cared that I was here.

Wait, when was this community all about -you-? Did you attempt to contribute anything to counter all this rabid yaoi stuff you so abhorr? Guess not since you yourself admitted you hardly ever post.

Have fun being your stupid retarded selves and continue writing bulshit fanfics,

You mean bullshit. Your inability to properly construct a sentence with decent grammar and spelling totally nullifies any message you might have had that I, or others, might have agreed with. That and you come off like a petulant, spoiled child who's stomping her feet and running away.

and drawing retarded Ed screwing soulbonded al to armor pictures....Seriously people...Its stupid...and my post here isnt like anything new.

Well, you're right about that. It's just as stupid.

Everyone has a time where they can only put up with so much stupid retarded bulshit.

What? I'm trying to make sense of this sentence and I... oh, you mean -bullshit-. You can't even properly cuss. Tsk, tsk.

Good day.

Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. <3

Thu, 23 Sep 2004 04:35:31 GMT

So what happens when you become a popular author and your head gets too big for your britches? Why, you go to places like amazon.com and post long winded, pretentious rants with lots of vocabulary words and tons of venom toward people who dare to not like your precious writing or suggest you actually need an editor!

Seldom do I really answer those who criticize my work.

Well, thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to address us now.

In fact, the entire development of my career has been fueled by my ability to ignore denigrating and trivializing criticism as I realize my dreams and my goals.

Obviously not entirely.

However there is something compelling about Amazon's willingness to publish just about anything,

Well, it is open to /anyone/, what do you expect?

and the sheer outrageous stupidity of many things you've said here

So disliking your work automatically renders one stupid? Riiight.

that actually touches my proletarian and Democratic soul.

Your what?

Also I use and enjoy Amazon and I do read the reviews of other people's books in many fields.

That's nice...

In sum, I believe in what happens here. And so, I speak. First off, let me say that this is addressed only to some of you, who have posted outrageously negative comments here, and not to all. You are interrogating this text from the wrong perspective.

Interrogating the text? Woman, stop trying to speak down to everyone by using words in outmoded contexts or entirely wrong contexts. Christ almighty. If you're trying to tell people they're just not understanding your writing, say it that way.

Indeed, you aren't even reading it. You are projecting your own limitations on it.

... What? If someone doesn't like you're writing, they don't like your writing, it's not because they don't get it, it's because they just didn't LIKE IT.

And you are giving a whole new meaning to the words "wide readership." And you have strained my Dickensean principles to the max.

And... And... And... I'm so laughing my ass off at 'Dickensean principles'.

I'm justifiably proud of being read by intellectual giants and waitresses in trailer parks,in fact, I love it, but who in the world are you?

Well, I assume people who've read your work. Probably fitting into the 'intellectual giant' and 'trailer park waitress' groups, or somewhere imbetween. Which really, woman, do you realize that there are waitresses in trailer parks who are, in fact, also intellectual giants, the two are not mutually exclusive.

Now to the book. Allow me to point out: nowhere in this text are you told that this is the last of the chronicles, nowhere are you promised curtain calls or a finale, nowhere are you told there will be a wrap-up of all the earlier material. The text tells you exactly what to expect. And it warns you specifically that if you did not enjoy Memnoch the Devil, you may not enjoy this book.

... Why is it that when I read this, I think of fangirls stamping their feet and screaming 'If you don't like it, don't read it!!!!1111'?

This book is by and about a hero whom many of you have already rejected. And he tells you that you are likely to reject him again. And this book is most certainly written -- every word of it -- by me. If and when I can't write a book on my own, you'll know about it. And no, I have no intention of allowing any editor ever to distort, cut, or otherwise mutilate sentences that I have edited and re-edited, and organized and polished myself.

Does anyone else think she's just totally flipped her wig here? She acts like she's a Goddess in the writing genre.

I fought a great battle to achieve a status where I did not have to put up with editors making demands on me, and I will never relinquish that status. For me, novel writing is a virtuoso performance. It is not a collaborative art.

What? Woman, if your writing is a 'virtuoso performance' then you need to get back to lessons and learn to better play your instrument cause without that mentoring you are slipping.

Back to the novel itself: the character who tells the tale is my Lestat. I was with him more closely than I have ever been in this novel; his voice was as powerful for me as I've ever heard it. I experienced break through after break through as I walked with him, moved with him, saw through his eyes. What I ask of Lestat, Lestat unfailingly gives. For me, three hunting scenes, two which take place in hotels -- the lone woman waiting for the hit man, the slaughter at the pimp's party -- and the late night foray into the slums --stand with any similar scenes in all of the chronicles. They can be read aloud without a single hitch.

Um... I beg to differ. I've heard your books on tape, and all too often I'd wince to hear something that just did not fit and should have been editted out. You are not in some special class, you need an editor just like everyone else does.

Every word is in perfect place. The short chapter in which Lestat describes his love for Rowan Mayfair was for me a totally realized poem.

That's nice... who says everyone else has to see it that way? If people don't, perhaps you didn't portray it as well as you think you did.

There are other such scenes in this book. You don't get all this? Fine. But I experienced an intimacy with the character in those scenes that shattered all prior restraints, and when one is writing one does have to continuously and courageously fight a destructive tendency to inhibition and restraint.

Ok, we understand that to the author, a novel is a lot of blood, sweat and tears. This I can sympathize with. But you can't go saying 'OMG YOU SO TOTALLY DON'T GET IT!'. It's your responsibility as the author to bring across everything from your head to the paper. If people don't react to it the way that you want, well that's too bad. It's not all about you. Everyone who reads your work absorbs it and processes it differently than you do.

Getting really close to the subject matter is the achievement of only great art. Now, if it doesn't appeal to you, fine. You don't enjoy it? Read somebody else. But your stupid arrogant assumptions about me and what I am doing are slander. And you have used this site as if it were a public urinal to publish falsehood and lies.

You mean libel.

I'll never challenge your democratic freedom to do so, and yes, I'm answering you, but for what it's worth, be assured of the utter contempt I feel for you,

I'm sure people are shaking in their boots.

especially those of you who post anonymously (and perhaps repeatedly?) and how glad I am that this book is the last one in a series that has invited your hateful and ugly responses. Now, to return to the narrative in question: Lestat's wanting to be a saint is a vision larded through and through with his characteristic vanity. It connects perfectly with his earlier ambitions to be an actor in Paris, a rock star in the modern age. If you can't see that, you aren't reading my work.

Um. Or you've just turned him into a Marty Stu and people loathe what you've turned him into.

In his conversation with the Pope he makes observations on the times which are in continuity with his observations on the late twentieth century in The Vampire Lestat, and in continuity with Marius' observations in that book and later in Queen of the Damned. The state of the world has always been an important theme in the chronicles. Lestat's comments matter. Every word he speaks is part of the achievement of this book.

... would you kindly get over yourself?

That Lestat renounced this saintly ambition within a matter of pages is plain enough for you to see. That he reverts to his old self is obvious, and that he intends to complete the tale of Blackwood Farm is also quite clear. There are many other themes and patterns in this work that I might mention -- the interplay between St.Juan Diago and Lestat, the invisible creature who doesn't "exist" in the eyes of the world is a case in point. There is also the theme of the snare of Blackwood Farm, the place where a human existence becomes so beguiling that Lestat relinquishes his power as if to a spell. The entire relationship between Lestat and Uncle Julien is carefully worked out. But I leave it to readers to discover how this complex and intricate novel establishes itself within a unique, if not unrivalled series of book.

No, really, get over yourself.

There are things to be said. And there is pleasure to be had. And readers will say wonderful things about Blood Canticle and they already are. There are readers out there and plenty of them who cherish the individuality of each of the chronicles which you so flippantly condemn. They can and do talk circles around you.

Only because they say what you want to hear and keep filling that enormous ego of yours...

And I am warmed by their response.

If it gets you wet, I really just don't want to know.

Their letters, the papers they write in school, our face to face exchanges on the road -- these things sustain me when I read the utter trash that you post.

But you still felt the need to reply...

But I feel I have said enough. If this reaches one reader who is curious about my work and shocked by the ugly reviews here, I've served my goals.

And in the meanwhile, there's the tinntinabulation of laughter all across the internet as people realize you've completely and totally lost it.

And Yo, you dude, the slang police! Lestat talks like I do.

Well, since he's a self insert of sorts, I'm not all that surprised.

He always has and he always will. You really wouldn't much like being around either one of us. And you don't have to be. If any of you want to say anything about all this by all means Email me at Anneobrienrice@mac.com. And if you want your money back for the book, send it to 1239 First Street, New Orleans, La, 70130. I'm not a coward about my real name or where I live. And yes, the Chronicles are no more! Thank God!

Well, on that I can agree. Thank god. Goddess. Whatever.

Another one for the HOLY SHIT files.

Wed, 07 Jul 2004 07:41:55 GMT

WTF? WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE COME FROM?!?!?

Character Name: Renzmarkem

What? How exactly do you pronounce that? Renza-mark-up?

Vital statistics-

Gender: Male

Age: 16

Hair: Black/white streaks

No. Just, no. You do not have cool black hair with white streaks. You just don't, forget it.

Eyes: Crimson

*headdesk* *sob*

Weight: 118 Lbs.

Height: 5'9"

Wow, you must be a stick to be that tall and that thin, especially for a guy.

Rank: SeeD Cadet

Weapon: Gunblade specialist

... I'm starting to sense a pattern, here.

Fighting Style: Straight Forward

*laugh* Well thanks for telling us that. We don't need to know your sexuality, though, honest.

Features: Not scarred or hurt--yet.

... Great. It's one of those injury Stus. You know the type, get hurt for the attention and wax poetic about their angst at getting scars.

Limit: Flawed Renzokuken/(one day Renzokuken) --> Rough Dive --> Fated Circle --> Blasting Zone --> (Lionheart) Marionette's Control

... NEWS FLASH: YOU ARE NOT SQUALL! YOU ARE NOT COOL ENOUGH TO BE SQUALL! YOU ARE A LOSER! THERE IS AN 'L' ON YOUR FOREHEAD!

Twink/Powergamer: A Twink is someone that wants things to go their way. Now say, this is how I look at it, a Twink is rather upclosed

upclosed? What exactly is that supposed to mean?

to have things their way while demeaning all the fun out of the scene.

Demeaning all the fun out of a scene? Did you get that out of a thesaurus? I think this may be a case for internet_svu.

Thats basically my outtake on a "Twink".

Outtake? So you're including outtakes on this app? Well why didn't you /say/ so! It's kind of confusing not knowing what's actual app and what isn't.

They always counter whatever you do to their advantage

Is English your first language?

and sometimes do your poses for you. So if you're lazy, a Twink is a way to go.

Well... I consider apping a character and warping it to look like one of the FCs to be lazy, so you're stamping yourself a twink here.

History/Background: Renzmarkem is not just a SeeD cadet.

He's a clone of Squall! So much so, you can't even tell the difference if we switch him with Folger's Crystals!

He's an aspiring young boy with hopes of ridding the world of all the evil, so fighting will be unnecessary.

... What is it with the applicants these days? Does no one have any idea how to create a real motivation anymore?

He does rise up to challenges, and fights for what he beleives in, but not to impress people, but to do just as he beleives.

This is making my head hurt already. Words spelled wrong, commas, randomly, inserted for, no apparent, reason. And run on sentences, yay!

He is cold, to others and this costed him a lot of opportunities in his life.

Costed?

Used to being left alone, and unpopular seems to suit him, atleast where he was from.

*groan* Dude, seriously, you are NOT Squall! And atleast is actually 'at least'.

Renzmarkem was born in Winhill, and soon after both of his parents were done away by the Galbadian military.

... I should have known he'd be from Winhill. Predictable, really.

This was when the boy was seven. Soon after he was sent to Trabia Garden, where he trained with all his might, to hopes of one day ridding the entire military,

Of what? Mice? Moombas? Surly SeeD cadets without personalities?

since he loathed them for what he saw when they disposed of his loving parents.

Yes, because as we all know, seeing your parents traumatically killed by the miltary automatically gives the character the right to hate all military and want to do away with them. Come on, buddy, you can do better. (Or maybe you can't.)

Hearing of Squall's escipades though,

Escipades? *WHACK*

against them, his rage subsided, and he idolized the legendary SeeD Commander.

For some reason, this fails to surprise me.

He even adopted his fighting style, but he has no where perfected it in the little time of using his own Revolver Gunblade.

I really hate to know what else he's been doing with that gunblade while having his little masterbatory fantasies about his idol.

Once, before using tactical hand to hand combat, now switched gives him a little more power, in some things, and weakness in his lack of weaponry skills.

What? This sentence seriously just makes -no- sense whatsoever. What switched? WTF, dude? ARGH!

He'll learn eventually.

Somehow I doubt this.

Now, he has still yet to take his SeeD exam, since it won't be Dollet, he has no way of knowing what to expect, or does he yet have to get a Guardian Force.

I dunno, does he yet have to get a Guardian Force? You tell me.

Soon after Trabia Garden's destruction, he was sent to Galbadia Garden.

Stay away from the redheaded cowboy or I keel you.

There he trained more and more, waiting for his chance to do what he felt was right and then after it was in an epic battle against Balamb Garden, the young man fought for Squall's SeeDs, trying to help anyway he could against the Galbadian forces.

Um. If you're one of the Galbadian students... You know, I think Seifer would have killed you if you tried pulling this.

At first it was hard, since Seifer took control with the Galbadian Military, but some SeeDs were still on board, ready to help and he was one of them.

Plot contrivance! It's what's for breakfast.

He even thought enough to try and take on a group of the motorcylcists which ended in him having to flee from the reinforcements that came after that wave.

That indicates to me he wasn't thinking enough, actually.

Which wasn't too bad, according to his version of it, but nothing major was done to him, or to affixiate the Balamb Garden's victory.

Affixiate?

He was then to board Balamb Garden, later and join its forces, not long after Squall had taken control of the Ragnarok.

Affixiate?

His rage now ended after fighting waves of soldiers, he still looks for peace, but fights for what he beleives in.

Affixiate?

He goes after what he thinks is right, and fights what he thinks is wrong, but he has strong emotional trauma, from his parents situation,

OMG TEH ANGST! FEEL MY PAIN!

and is finally down to being very cold and seeming to not care what others think.

*groan* Talk about going from A to Z without ever touching another letter of the alphabet.

The boy still trains, and tries to do his best at everything as if trying to finally impress himself with his abilities, not to mention his peers if its possible.

If he doesn't care about people, why is he caring to impress them?

Character Description: This is a fine example of a young man in his prime. A rather tall stature, of five foot and nine inches.

I... could so make a joke here, but you all probably did it for me anyway.

He has a rather small frame, about one hundered and twenty pounds. His hair is rather, stylish in his own opinion.

And he, likes to talk like, William, Shatner, Jim.

The raven hair goes up in the back, making spikes that point away from his head, as his bangs are seperated into two bright white and

black over spikes.

Wha? Was that just bad formatting there?

Quite Sephiroth styled.

... Mention of Sephiroth style -20 points.

His eyes are a cool shimmering gray,

Shimmering? Stop putting eyedrops in you nutball.

and then his nose is rather upturned in a more skinny, beautiful style.

What? That's it, I'm so putting this on Snark.

His lips are the perfect shape,and his skin is rather pale.

So, what -is- the perfect shape for lips, anyway?

His skin is unblemished and unscarred, what you can see of it.

For now. You better believe he'll get a nice scar to angst about soon. Probably one that's just like Squall's!

His neck dons a necklace,

Wow, his neck can dress itself? That's pretty damn impressive.

with a small marionette statuete on it.

Statuete? Marionette? A puppet on a necklace? What?

It must symbolize something to him.

Dur hur. My what a redundant redundency there.

On his body he wears a black trench that's open and shows the rest of his odd clothing off.

Does it have a fur collar?

The black trench seems to be cloth, and it has a bright white tribal design down the sleeve, to where his gloves peek out of the tight fitting coat's sleeves.

I've never seen anyone spam so much and yet say so little at the same time.

The gloves are plain black combat gloves, which he wears no rings on his fingers. Under the body length coat, he's wearing a plain black shirt, with nothing on it, but very dark gray, hard-to-see design of his pattented marionette.

Pattented? Wait, are you trying to say he got a patent on that stupid marionette?

His shirt ends,

Well I should hope it does.

hiding his waistline, so its hard to tell if he's got a belt on or not,

Nor do we really care.

but visible at his waist is his gunblade's sheath. The hilt of his own revolver gunblade sticking out of it.

Guh. Someone kill the Squall fanboys, please.

The black and silver hilt seems to have a chain on it, with a small silver marionette dangling from it's end.

Patented marionette, mind!

His pants are a little baggy, but tight enough so his mobility is at top condition, and so much that he's comfortable.

Uh. Most people like loose clothing for mobility...

They're, of course black, with a small strap draping around the back, to meet another meeting in an 'X' shape across his backside.

Gee. Now where have we seen that before?

This isn't very visible due to the coat. His shoes, or boots rather, meet into his pants,

That's a bit more than I needed to know, thanks.

socks not visible,

I'm surprised you haven't mentioned his underwear. You've mentioned everything else! And if he goes commando, please, let me remain ignorant on that one. Please?

and they seem army issued combat boots with strong grips. Another thing about him, is his gleaming eyes, they seem to show a coldness thats hardly matched.

You mentioned his 'shimmering' eyes earlier.

Not a mean side, just an isolated person's eyes. A sad, emotionless person's eyes.

More like pathetic.

(To be continued... Yes, there's more.)

Fire in the hole.

Tue, 06 Jul 2004 02:16:10 GMT

We got another one, fresh in for FFMux.

Character Name - ZacK Nickname - ZK

Brilliant. Utterly brilliant. I can tell just from the first line of this application that it's a twinking idiot. Saves me the trouble.

Vital Statistics - Shimmering Black Hair (Spiked 10"),

... This is a joke, right? Spiked 10"? That's one heck of a spike. Can you say 'compensation issues'?

Crystal Blue Eyes,

Gary Stu.

6'1", 180 Lbs., Soldier, Sword, Spiked Shoulder Armor, Lightweight Blue Pants, Lightweight Shortsleeved Shirt, Lightweight Soldier Boots, Gloves

Uh, ok. Interesting.

What is a Twink? - Someone who is Bisexual.

... Where do these people come from?

BZZT! Wrong answer. Would you like to try for door number two?

Class/Job - ex-Soldier

History/Background - ZacK

Every time I see that spelling, I crack up laughing.

always wanted to join Soldier to become just like the great Sephiroth.

*yawn*

He was always treated badly as a kid,

I bet they picked on that hairspike. I mean god, how could you not?

and now he wants to release his anger upon his enemies just like his idol, Sephiroth.

Can you say lame? I knew you could!

I would like to start roleplaying my character up to this point. Right before he entered Soldier.

But you said you're ex-SOLDIER. SO which is it? Actually, I highly recommend you join SOILDER. I think you'd fit in -great- with the rest of them.

Personality/Quirks - ZacK is a kind individual who always treats people with great respect,

Unless you pick on his hairspike. Then he gets mad. He gets real mad. Yeah.

but in battle he becomes a savage warrior slaying beasts left and right until he has finished.

Oh like we haven't seen this a bajillion times before.

ZacK walks at an abnormal speed,

So what's abnormal? Is he duck footed and moves really slowly or something?

and runs at a normal speed. ZacK also likes to help individuals with whatever problems they may have.

He's such a nice guy, really. Just don't pick on the hairspike!

Character Goals - ZacK plans to be the greatest (nicest) soldier ever.

... with a hairspike.

He even wants to succeed past Sephiroth.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sample Pose - Draws sword with pride.

... that's your pose? *gets out rubber stamper* YOU LOSE.

Player's Goals - I plan to make my character the most helpful character in the game.

And the strongest, I'm sure. And the best fighter! And, the biggest hairspike!

I would also like make his skills grow the more he aids and fights.

*scratches her head* This one isn't really a bad app, just really -lame-. I can't even properly mock some of this. No meat.

Battle Abilities - Attacks normally with his sword while avoiding attacks.

... What? You can't attack and avoid attack at the exact same time. Make up your mind!

Magic - May use magic to aid his fellow teammates and himself (white magic).

But what sort of magic? And I thought he was a nice guy, why would he not help out his teammates?

Summons - Doesn't use summons unless given to by fellow people.

Uh. Right. Fellow people. That's classic.

Special Physical Abilities - Takes hits very well and always fights until death.

... Can we just kill you now and be done with it?

Special Magical Abilities - Doesn't have any.

But I thought he could cast white magic?

Strengths - Include constant aiding and attacking while avoiding attacks.

You mentioned this before. And constant aiding and attacking while avoiding attacks? I don't even want to know how this is even remotely possible.

Weaknesses - Include Very Strong Summons, Acids, and Lightning Attacks.

Yeah, cause those weak ass summons can't hurt him! And I have a good solution for this one... lets dump him in acid!

This has to be a joke.

Sat, 03 Jul 2004 03:25:21 GMT

No, really, I think this is a troll. But... oh god it makes my sides hurt reading it.

I think I lost some I.Q. points, too.

Pt. 1

Character name- Rune Gilforn (Rune for short)

Noooo, really? I figured everyone would run around calling you 'Rune Gilforn' and nothing else.

Stats- Ht. 6'
wt. 190 lbs.
Hair: brown
Eyes: pale gray
Rank: Class A Commander (estranged; unofficially discharged)

How do you get yourself estranged from the army? And I don't want to know anything about your unofficial discharges, thanks.

Weapon: Rune Hilt/Forgable blades (Same hilt; attach different blades)
Build: Solid

Another TMI moment, here.

What is a twink? -A twink is really gross. A young boy regarded as a sex object; a particular niche for pedophiles and other assorted bastards.

... Wow, do we ever know what's on YOUR mind, bub.

Class: Holy Swordsman (max); Wanderer(initial)
Job: N/A

Oh go get a job, you lazy bastard. Oh wait, you're a Holy Swordsman. I guess you can just con the locals.

Pt. 2

Detailed Information- In the Post-FFVII universe, Cloud Settled down with Tifa and they were betrothed. Their first son, Rune was born.

Really? Is this all official and everything?

Cloud became an integral part in the forging of a new International community.

He did?

He was the mar Representioch (chief leader) of the newly formed Midgarian nation.

The what? What the hell is a 'mar Representioch'?

When Rune was three years old, Wutaian terrorists captured him as leverage for demands.

Um...

Unfortunately, Their escape Boat was old and succumbed to A gale storm.

Um...

Rune washed up on the outskirts of Rocket Town, the new HQ of Highwind Aeronautics.

Um...

The city was renamed "Cidolfan" In honor of Cid highwind.

Oh my god. Cid would so curse people out for that one.

Years passed. Rune joined the army of Corel (The nation that contained Cidolfan), and was at war against Midgaria (Cloud's nation).

... This is someone's fanfic universe, isn't it.

Cloud had resigned when peace negotiations failed, and lived as a hermit w/ Tifa outside the mythril caves.

Oh that w/ just makes me so tingly. I love seeing that in applications. Along with randomly Capitalized words in A sentence.

Rune quickly rose into the ranks of the Corel military.

We expect no less at this point.

However, an incident at Junon (now a civilian port) where innocents and men under Rune's Supervision were decimated left Rune questioning his position in the Corel Military. He personally demanded an answer from the Minister of Defense, Karl Leisch. Leisch dismissed the ethical questioning as "treason".

That was exceedingly trite and unexplained.

Rune left the Corel Military without any notice.

I thought he was estranged.

In truth, Rune had discovered the reason for the increase in Violence: Cloud Strife was A great equalizer of sorts.

Here we go again with The randomly capitalized Words of great Importance.

The man was what Cetra Myth had referred to as the "Balance Guardian".

This makes Baby Kain weep tears of blood. And the Cetra had no such myth, you dolt.

The myth stated that if the Balance Guardian lost faith in what he was protecting, it would dissolve into complete ruin.

No it didn't.

He makes it his personal mission to find Cloud and save a world on the brink of total chaos.

What chaos? There is no chaos.

(Note: All Shinra Biochem R&D records were destroyed along with their HQ; the "truth" is only known by a few.)

What? Where did that come from?

Personality Quirks- Rune is very stern. He is always serious, even during nonsensical dialogue.

Nonsensical dialogue? I don't think that means what you think it means.

He is honest, always speaks what he thinks, even if it is inopportune.

Inopportune? I think you mean inappropriate... dude, put the thesaurus away, ok?

He does have an emotional side, however. He does not like injustice, in any facet.

That demonstrates emotion, all right. Yep. Well, no. Not really.

He has an extensive vocabulary and speaks with a neutral accent.

You mean he rapes the thesaurus on a regular basis. Neutral my ass.

He always addresses those older than him with the proper title. He is very patient.

That's nice...

Goals- Rune is obsessed with the "Cloud Vs. Sephiroth/Jenova" legend.

I'm sure. In fact, I'm not at all surprised by this.

He wants to meet Cloud directly and to become an apprentice of sorts.

An apprentice of what? Isn't Cloud supposed to be his father?

He will stop at nothing to unearth the "truth" behind the Shinra Biochem research ordeal.

Dude, we have no clue where your fanfic is located, we're not going to search fanfiction.net for it and we have no clue what you're talking about right now.

Rune feels that he is Cloud's successor as "Balance Guardian".

No he isn't.

In addition, he feels there is an evil that is growing to become the Successor of the "Calamity from the skies" and it's offspring (Jenova/Sephiroth).

Huh?

He wishes to Meet Vincent and learn from him the true motives of Hojo (speculation is prevalent.)

Look out, Vincent player. Better run for the hills.

Sample Pose- : Attacks Myriad!

*spits out her drink* We don't have an 'attack' command. FFMUX isn't a MUD.

: Misses @emit Damn! :is rattled from the aftershock of the attack : is KO'd by myriad's electroshock technique1 @emit I never wanted this, Myriad. You Know this...

Did you... put in the commands? Oh my god. If this isn't a joke, which I highly believe it to be, then this now takes the spot of WORST APP EVAR.

Player Goals- I intend to have Rune Destroy the world! (Joking)

Ahahahahahaha-- not funny.

I want to test the waters in the FF Community, to see if others are creative with thier ideas, and to OBLITERATE THEM!(once again, joking).

That wasn't funny, either.

Rune will start as a wanderer. If he meets special characters of the FFVII universe (Cloud, Vincent, Tifa, etc.) He will evolve.

Evolve into what, a pikachu?

His max class is holy Swordsman, but it only attainable after Rune knows all of the facts he is looking for; only then is his true potential revealed.

Oh. Well isn't that special.

Pt. 3

Powers- Rune focuses on physical attacks. His mind and body are extremely sharp and connected.

Not the kind of guy you want to hug, I take it?

He uses mainly Lightning and Holy-based magic.

There is no holy magic in FF7. And magic is only usable through materia, you dolt.

He is terrified of Snake and Serpent-type monsters and summons.

Oh goodie. I think we'll dump him into a tank of rattlers, then.

His main weakness is against Dark magic (gravity, shadow, etc.). His "Bukkake" Counterattack is extremely rare, but deadly ;)

... Bukkake attack? What? Wait, no, I don't want to know...

It's rant time.

Thu, 01 Jul 2004 18:54:50 GMT

On showing 'grace' to assholes.

Look, I don't care what certain people say, when you're living with an abusive asshole (emotional, sexual, physical, whatever), you either get the fuck out, or you put up with his/her bullshit. Bottom line. There is no such thing as showing grace to these people because they are entirely self centered and believe that not only do you OWE them that grace, but they are entitled to take it from you and stomp all over it and then demand more of it.

And anyone who says you're taking the easy way out when you leave an abusive relationship should be shot in the head. (Or is more likely abusive themselves, and should still be shot in the head.)

On reading fanfic.

Thu, 24 Jun 2004 11:10:00 GMT

There are times that I can't help but think... this must be a parody. I'm reading something that is just so monumentally horrid that it just can't be for real.

It's the sort of read where I expect all the characters to stand up and shout, "Fooled you! This is just a parody fic to see how masochistic you are and how far you'd actually read!"

Or, better yet, everyone suddenly bursts into song... o/~ Springtime for Hitler in Germany... o/~

I need an icon.

More app horror.

Mon, 21 Jun 2004 16:57:22 GMT

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! TWINK TRIES TO GET ON FFMUX!

News at 11:

-Name-

Vladamir "Red" Treize

Red 13? You think we can't see through that shit, man? This is not a clever name, not even close.

-Vital Stats-

Age: 20

Hair Color- White

Hair Length- Down to the Shoulders

Eye Color- Blood Red

Yep. Right from the very beginning of the application, you just know it's gonna be a Marty Stu.

Height- 5'10

Weight- 170 lbs

Weapon- Katana/Martial Arts

-Definition of a Twink*

Omnipotent, omniscient character. Can never nail em with an attack, always knows your next move, can crush you with a thought, like some unstoppable force of nature.

Are you describing a twink or your character?

-Class/Job-

Swordsman/Mercenary

-History/Background-

Vladamir "Red" Treize, Son Of Victor and Belle Treize

On September 23rd a child was born to Victor Treize and his wife Belle. Unfortunately,

They were the parents of a Marty Stu and on realizing this, commited suicide in a most ghastly fashion.

Victor was a big crime boss at his time,

Only at his time? What about at her time?

and he and his wife were brutally murdered on their very driveway by another Crime boss wanting in on his smuggling business.

Now... where is this exactly? I don't even know what game series this is yet.

Vladamir, being only two months old, was spared, and the local authorities took him to an orphanage, since he had no family to turn to.

Oh, tragically orphaned at a young age! I've never seen /this/ angle before. Oh no!

Just days after being in the orphanage, he was adopted by Art Blake and Lisa Blake.

I pity them. They sound so normal and unaware that the child they're adopting is a Marty Stu.

Art and Lisa lived far from the city in a Martial Arts Dojo, where Vladamir spent most of his Childhood, and even still returns to today.

So, what are they doing in a Martial Arts Dojo? And /where/ do they live? For god's sake, I still don't know what series this character is from!

Vladamir was never told that he was adopted, so he pretty much lived a happy childhood, learning martial arts and swordsmanship until he reached his peak and mastered his skills.

Uh.... I dunno about you guys, but I always thought people spent far longer than their childhoods mastering things.

Going to school was tough because he used to get into a lot of fights,

Well, people generally just don't like Marty Stus. It's a natural instinct to want to kill them.

and would always pummel his opponent,

Always? He never got beaten up, himself? Yeah, right.

and gained the Nickname "Red: because of his eyes."

So everyone walked around saying, "Hey, there's Red: because of his eyes!"

He wanted to become the greatest martial arts master and own his very own Dojo, just as his "father" had been...

Somehow this oh so noble goal is completely unsurprising.

...But all of his dreams were tossed out soon, blurred by revenge.

By revenge?

On his Fifteenth birthday

Wait a sec, he's mastered everything by now? Oh jesus h. christ in a taxi cab. I hate these kinds of twinks.

his father thought it was time to tell Vladamir the truth, but this was a HUGE mistake, as Vladamir went into a rage and ignored his parents the entire day.

Oh. That's a real rage there, ignoring your parents all day. Totally untypical thing for teenagers to do, all right. How is this a big mistake?

Then, that night, he killed his parents in his sleep with his fathers own blade.

... Why? What in the world possessed him to do this so abruptly? It makes no -sense-.

His hands drenched with blood, he lit the Dojo on fire and burned down any evidence of Himself or his parents,

Uh, sure. I'm sure there's utterly NO other evidence of him or his parents anywhere... whatever.

and the locals assumed they all died in the fire. Vladamir, though, left back to the city, to where he used to live.

Yeah, when he was 2 months old. I'm sure he still has it memorized, though, cause all Marty Stus do this kind of shit. And there's still no explaination for this shit.

For days he wandered, without food, without water,without shelter, without....

A brain, without an actual motivation, without a personality, etc.

anything. He then began taking any job he could, Cooking, cleaning, building, fishing, driving, smuggling, he has even killed for bounty money.

Yeah, a kid raised in a happy home suddenly goes psycho. Like I haven't seen this before.

Today, Red still wanders, not knowing if his dream will ever come true of owning a Dojo and living happily.

I'd bet on 'no'. Gotta be an angst muffin.

He is noted for being one of the best Mercenaries/Bounty Hunters and is noted usually by his eyes and usually called "Red"

No, no, I thought he was usually called 'Red: because of his eyes'.

-Personality/Quirks-

Red is pretty much a schizophrenic.

Say what? You never mentioned this in the background. I'm betting you took a high school psychology course and suddenly thought you knew all about schizophrenia, too. BZZT! You lose.

He is either a really quiet, psycho, or a really nice average Joe.

This does not a personality make.

One odd thing about him though are his Blood Red eyes.

You've only reiterated this about ten times already. Enough, we know he has red eyes, we don't care. Well, actually we're kinda mocking it.

Another thing noticeable is a scar from the bottom of his left eye to his jaw-line

Oooh, an interesting but likely ruggedly handsome and not at all detracting from his appearance kind of scar, I bet!

-Character Goals-

This ought to be rich.

No plans, yet, besides the want to be the best fighter out there, accomplishing this by challenging all the "Top fighters"

... Wow. I didn't think he'd be that blatant about it. This is /classic/ twink material. Seriously. They usually attempt to be more subtle these days.

-Sample Pose-

(Scene: Killing his parents)

(Be vewy, vewy qwiet evewywon. He's hunting his pawents.)

Why...did you lie to me...

Oh, angst. Anyone want popcorn?

(...Kill Them... They lied)

Oooh, here we go with the stereotypical voices that schizophrenics here. Very clever. Notice the cleverness!

But...but...

Ah, the struggling inner voice of reason. So poignant.

(KILL THEM NOW! OR THEY WILL KEEP LYING TO YOU)

YES! AND ALL CAPS INDICATES GREAT PSYCHOLOGICAL DOMINANCE!

The blade held in the childs hand is plunged into the chest of his adoptive father, his scream muffled by a pillow.

You know, for such great martial artists as his parents supposedly were, they sure died rather easily to their fifteen year old son. See, never adopt Marty Stus, the always end up killing you. That's the moral of this story.

Startled, the wife turns to her spouse and feels a warm liquid on her back, the last thing she ever feel as the same blade, blood drenched, is plunged into her gut and her throat is slit.

At the same time?

Her screams for help not reaching farther than the door.

Most people can't scream when their throat is slit, actually...

Yes...Bleed...Die...

Ignore the campy special effects, folks. This app obviously didn't have a budget for them.

His business done, Red releases his white knuckle grip on the sword and walking calmly outside,

And walking calmly outside? Bad syntax. No cookie.

as if nothing happened at all.

We wish.

Its over now....No more lies...

I give it a... -15. Two thumbs down.

-Players Goal-

Probably just like the character's goals, I'm sure.

I pretty much just want to be kind of a trouble maker,

Well you're off to a good start!

someone to bump into and maybe fight with.

... Maybe? I'd say more than likely. Probably for no apparent reason, too.

I want to maybe get a group of baddies and kind of make like... a guild/clan.

So you're saying you want to gather a bunch of other losers together and terrorize the game? I don't THINK so.

I would like to have his class evolve from Swordsman to samurai,

I thought samurai were honorable. I can't see him ever gaining this status while claiming to be crazy.

I would probably gain this by fighting...a lot... as any good fighter would do.

... Do you know anything other than fighting 'a lot'?

-Powers-

I'm afraid to look.

Physical abilities- Extremely fast from his intense martial arts training,

Yeah, and don't forget he mastered everything by fifteen!

very stealthy and accurate, Strength is not like that of a brutes, but is at a better-than-normal level.

Of course it is. And in any RP situation, it will become exaggerated.

Battle Abilities- Throwing Knives/Shurikens /Whatever, stealing

Whatever? What kind of ability is that? Or is it a weapon?

Weaknesses include long ranged weapons(EX: Guns! Yaargh!)

Really? Oh goodie, just hold still a moment--BANG! I keel you! That felt good.